Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted..

My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals..

The manipulation of statistical formulas is no substitute for knowing what one is doing..

And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them. We didn't know that in America after the war, you wouldn't be a….

Dress like Britney Spears and think like me, and everything will be fine..

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live..

The main thing I like about New Yorkers is that they understand that their lives are a relentless circus of horrors, ending in death. As New Yorkers,….

We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes..

Nature makes only dumb animals. We owe the fools to society..

The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent's handshake..

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh..

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful..

A kiss is like a fight, with mouths..

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome..

Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. "Is this yours?" she asked "probably" said Paddy "she burns everything else".

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?.

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius..

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground..

One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other..

I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on….

I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!.