Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?.

Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and liste….

Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand..

Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy pe….

The Stately Homes of England, How beautiful they stand, To prove the Upper Classes, Have still the Upper Hand..

Never fight an inanimate object..

The first law of dietetics seems to be: if it tastes good, it's bad for you..

The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders..

Politics would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned people..

For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies..

Long conversations with pals when neither you nor they have had a drink can be a test of palship..

It's the squares who know how to fly the fighter planes and operate the missiles and the bombs and work the M-16s. Liberals would still be fumbling w….

At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying….

Dear 338171 (May I call you 338?).

The really important things are said over cocktails and are never done..

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote..

I said to a guy, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful," and he said, "Because it intensifies your personality." I said, "Yes….

I'm sure every pattern has been covered, but it's nice to think you might dwell on some that other people don't..

The funny thing about me that most people never really understand is that, at heart, I'm really a jock..

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this..

I am not afraid of crashing, my secret is . . . just before we hit the ground, I jump as high as I can..