I'm lazy. But it's the lazy people who invented the wheel and the bicycle because they didn't like walking or carrying things..

I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell..

In spite of a heavy disguise, a few days' growth on my face, dark glasses, a beret and one of William's jackets that fitted me not at all, as I emerg….

One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures..

Why would you go out and not drink? Just stay home and sit there..

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the we….

They that go down to the sea in ships' see strange things, but what they tell is oft-times stranger still. A faculty for romancing is imparted by a s….

Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don't compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest..

I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that..

Confront a child, a puppy, and a kitten with a sudden danger; the child will turn instinctively for assistance, the puppy will grovel in abject submi….

Our happiest moments as tourists always seem to come when we stumble upon one thing while in pursuit of something else..

The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government..

This was my attempt to deter cold callers: "There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the ton….

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe..

There are hidden contradictions in the minds of people who "love Nature" while deploring the "artificialities" with which "Man has spoiled Nature.'" ….

If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious..

Only the very weak-minded refuse to be influenced by literature and poetry..

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?.

There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning..

Being bored is an insult to oneself..

Like most people who smoked umpteen cigarettes a day, I tasted only the first one. The succeeding umpteen minus one were a compulsive ritual which ha….