No one will need more than 637Kb of memory for a personal computer.

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious..

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely..

Models are like baseball players. We make a lot of money quickly, but all of a sudden we're 30 years old, we don't have a college education, we're qu….

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing..

You spend all your life trying to do something they put people in asylums for..

Journalists aren't supposed to praise things. It's a violation of work rules almost as serious as buying drinks with our own money or absolving the C….

The two real political parties in America are the Winners and the Losers. The people don't acknowledge this. They claim membership in two imaginary p….

Unless I am very much mistaken...I AM very much mistaken...!.

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?.

It's not brain surgery. It's not nuclear physics. It's television. It's only television..

One of these suburbs is actually named Stalingrad, which goes to show that the French have learned nothing about politics since they guillotined all ….

When I finally embraced abstinence it was because of the simple urge to work a longer day. Thus, without joining Alcoholics Anonymous, I was at last ….

I abhor averages. I like the individual case. A man may have six meals one day and none the next, making an average of three meals per day, but that ….

Don't call 'em dogs. Dogs are loyal and they run after balls..

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them..

Can I wear your blazer?.

The Australian language is easier to learn than boat talk. It has a vocabulary of about six words..

I never play cricket. It requires one to assume such indecent postures..

Humor is our way of defending ourselves from life's absurdities by thinking absurdly about them..

There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker..