Give me the luxuries and I can dispense with the necessities..

West Germans are tall, pink, pert and orthodontically corrected, with hands, teeth and hair as clean as their clothes and clothes as sharp as their l….

A funny thing happened on the way to the election - I got to the Senate first..

Shall I not have intelligence with the earth? Am I not partly leaves and vegetable mould myself..

Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering..

As we're staggering out of the hospital, I don't remember doing this because I was still high, but apparently I turned to the entire operating room s….

Plain women are always jealous of their husbands. Beautiful women never are. They are always so occupied with being jealous of other women's husbands..

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars..

Nigel Mansell is the last person in the race apart from the five in front of him.

Do my eyes deceive me, or is Senna's Lotus sounding rough?.

And then there was my mate who'd just been fitted with a brand new hearing aid. "It's the best in the world", he said. "What type is it?", I asked an….

Being pretty on the inside means you don't hit your brother and you eat all your peas - that's what my grandma taught me..

People say there's delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a bunch of people used to die….

Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively..

I was home alone watching George Bush speak on television. So it was just really the two of us. And as I listened to him, I realized, that one of us.….

Our first stop was red square, the heart of Moscow - if Moscow has one..

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train..

Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish..

Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!.

My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!".

Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower..