Last time I went Intercity there were a couple across the aisle having sex. Of course, this being a British train, nobody said anything. Then they fi….

The special effects team designed everything, which basically allowed me to stand on a green box and look and stay relatively expressionless and all….

Anxiety in human life is what squeaking and grinding are in machinery that is not oiled. In life, trust is the oil..

I wouldn't mind dying for France, but not for Air France..

A dyslexic man walks into a bra..

Yes, about ten minutes..

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you..

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game..

She sleeps alone at last..

It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more ….

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy..

You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee..

The pollen count, now that's a difficult job. Especially if you've got hay fever..

Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don't think so...retired mermaids..

When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow. we called her Melony..

There is no presence of the American columns in the city of Baghdad at all. We besieged them and we killed most of them..

The Cruise missiles do not frighten anyone. We are catching them like fish in a river..

Our estimates are that none of them will come out alive unless they surrender to us quickly..

The sky was so clear that the starlight cast shadows, and so many sparkles and glitters and glints appeared above us that it looked like something re….

America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don't think that way. We don't think much at all, thank God. Start thinking and pretty soon you get ideas, a….

Never play peek-a-boo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always go….